The key to keeping your life simple and healthy is creating consistent routines. I first wrote that back in 2011 and I still believe and practice it today. To quote F. Matthias Alexander, “People do not decide their futures. They decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.” And a routine is, after all, a habit.

I’ve come up with several routines over the years that have helped keep my body healthy and my mind focused, and here they are.

Schedule the Important Things. During the weekday you can develop good habits by working out or taking your favorite yoga class on scheduled days. Schedule appointments only on certain days, and make sure that Mondays and Fridays are left with no appointments so that you can gather your thoughts and catch up. This helps you deal with the unexpected while ensuring that the important things always get done.

Toss, File, Act. Try to spend 5 to 10 minutes each day keeping your work space well organized. Organization is a breeze when you go through the mail and toss, file, or act on it on a daily basis. Throw away things you don’t need and reorganize your desk before you quit working. Write out a to-do list at the end of the day and leave it for yourself the next morning. Do the same at home, too. Soon this will become a habit and a way of life.

Go-to Place. At home, find an area for things that you need on a daily basis: keys, purse, backpacks, or letters to be mailed. Also, keep a petty cash jar handy for all household members to use for parking, lunches, or a tip for the delivery person.

Don’t Forget Weekends. For us, we like to eat out on Friday nights. Saturday is our shopping day for food, clothes, or any other errands that need to be done. On Sundays, we like to stay at home and cook for the week. This routine is a way to unplug and relax from the hectic week, something we look forward to. Having this day to regroup also helps us to prepare for the week ahead. 

Get Some Sleep. We all need between 7 and 9 hours of good, quality sleep per night to function at our best. So commit to getting into bed and turning the light out an hour earlier than usual. Or take a nap in the afternoon on the weekends. 

Walk the Dog. You and your best friend will benefit from a routine walk or hike. That’s why my time to walk my dog Jake is on the weekends, without fail. As soon as I put my baseball cap on and pull down his leash, he’s ready to go. Even he’s on a routine! This clears my mind and helps both of us to stay active and moving.

Attitude of Gratitude. Buy yourself a journal and spend a few minutes a day counting your blessings. Gratitude gives you a positive frame of mind. Research shows that routinely practicing gratitude may be the best pathway to happiness, health, long life, and prosperity.

Replace Habits. Make an effort to identify bad habits. Focus on creating new, positive ones to replace the bad. For example, I love to watch TV, especially the Food Network. But instead of focusing on the negative aspects of reducing my TV time, I developed a routine of sitting quietly, reading with soft music playing in the background. This breaks up the not-so-good habit with a better one and keeps me balanced.

You’ve heard it all before; repetition strengthens and confirms. Knowing you can fall back on built-in routines will get you through the day and further develop healthy habits. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – March/April 2019

It’s finally time to usher in the new year! Now that the winter holidays are over, I’m looking forward to having the time to reevaluate myself, my home, my work, and my relationships, and make changes where needed.

How are you planning to make the most of 2019? What will it take to make sure you fulfill your new year resolutions? Think about it! Here are a few tips that will help give you a fresh outlook for the coming year.

Forget About It. Your setbacks and failures do not define your success in the coming year. How you respond to them does. Don’t beat yourself up if you mess up. Don’t let your mishaps and setbacks affect you more than they should. Reflect on the lessons they hold, make adjustments accordingly, and get back in the saddle.

Learn to Let Go. When you give too much credence to other people’s opinions, you end up trying to please everyone with every decision you make. That’s a recipe for discontent. Stop doing it. Learn to let their expectations run off like water off a duck’s back.

Change Your Perspective. Whenever I get stuck in a rut, I change something. I take a different route to work. Or I tweak my hair or nail color. Or I try a new recipe for dinner. Or I reorganize my closet and wear clothes I rarely reach for. I already have exactly what I need, I just need to look at things differently.

Commit to be Fit. And not just physically. Join a class at your fitness club, an exercise group, or a sports team. Not only will you get in shape and lose a little weight, you develop both mental and physical strength. A healthy mind and active body work in unison to make you a happier, healthier person.

Get Out.  Studies show that being outside for even half an hour a day has amazing health benefits—both mentally and physical! Here in New Mexico, we’re lucky to be able to enjoy the outdoors year-round, so I do my best to make the most of it by taking walks and eating outside. 

Help. Volunteer to help others—people, animals, the planet, whatever! Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, walking dogs at the shelter, or building a house for someone in need, there are always nonprofit organizations that want and could really use your help. If your time is in short supply, why not just clean out your clutter? Donate your old furniture, clothing, or other household items you no longer need rather than leaving them in basements and attics to collect dust.

Look Forward. Research tells us that having something to look forward to—a vacation, a sporting event or concert—is as rewarding to us as the actual event. I print out road trip directions, marking places to stop along the way. I get excited about lunch dates with friends and mark them in BIG BLOCK letters on the calendar. But my favorite is to get away for a night or two with my spouse at a great hotel, and have a romantic dinner and a wonderful massage. While we don’t go far or spend much, I come back feeling like I’ve been a world away.

The near year is an opportunity to start fresh, so make the most of it. It’s the perfect time to reevaluate and make improvements. Just sayin’. 

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – January/February 2019

Many of us start the holiday season with high expectations. But all too often, our dreams of a picture-perfect holiday leave us frazzled and stressed. As we race to find the perfect gifts, make the perfect meals, and open our perfect homes to our perfect family, in-laws, and friends, the holiday season floods with everything but joy.

I don’t know about you, but in my life, nothing is perfect! Someone’s gift is not quite the right size, color, or flavor. The potatoes get burnt, the roast is dry, and the house is a constant mess. But this year can be different! Here are some easy ways to turn this holiday season into one to remember.

Movie Night. Everyone has a favorite holiday movie. Why not invite a few of your friends or gather up the family and arrange a holiday movie night? Then you just need to sit back and enjoy It’s A Wonderful Life, Love Actually, or The Holiday. Or, for those more action-packed movie fans, Home Alone.

Start a Tradition. Another way to make this your best holiday ever is to start a tradition. You could invite your family or friends over for a fall football game (either watch or play), purchase an ornament, host a cookie or recipe exchange, or visit somewhere new. Here in New Mexico, we have tamale-making parties and luminaria tours. Make your holiday tradition something that’s meaningful for everyone.

Be Realistic. The holidays don’t have to be exactly the same as last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Be open to creating new ones. For example, if your older children can’t come “home,” find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails, or videos. Or think about taking turns hosting the holidays.

Shop Online. You can find pretty much everything online these days. With meal and grocery delivery services and other online stores, you can even have your Christmas tree shipped right to your door. You can even spring for gift wrapping. 

Find Time for Yourself. Make sure to carve some time for yourself, your partner, or friends. Maybe it’s getting away for a couple of days to your favorite spa and resort, or an afternoon by the fire with good book. Do something that makes you happy so you don’t feel like all your energy went into planning and worrying about everyone else’s happiness.

Move. Unless you can get your 10,000 steps in at the mall, keeping your exercise routine is key to destressing the holidays. Exercise releases endorphins (the feel-good hormones) and helps work off the added calories of holiday treats. Ask a visiting family member to join you, hitch up the dog, and go. Or head to yoga with a buddy and tone up those muscles. Your body will thank you.

Learn to Say No. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Sometimes you just need an evening at home instead of another social event, dinner or party. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.

When the roast is burnt and the potatoes dry, open another bottle of wine and laugh! Laughter is what the holidays are ultimately about. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – November/December 2018

Many of us think of our lives, both personal and work-related, as traveling in a constant cycle. We have busy periods and times of rest. In our business, we hire and train new employees, introduce new products, then settle into a period of “steady as she goes.” Then we start again by focusing in a new area. We plan and hold meetings, evaluate, and start planning again.

Our personal lives can be the same way. As much as we love the times full of friends and family, we appreciate the slower periods, too. They allow us to regroup, relax, and refresh.

Because every battery―work or personal―needs recharging. Here are some of the tips and techniques I’ve learned over the years to keep all the balls juggling without burning the candle at both ends. 

Identify what’s most important to you. In times of intense work or personal activity, keep your focus on what you value most. What 4 or 5 things do you most want to accomplish in your day, week, or month? Identifying these core priorities will help you focus on what’s most important as you move forward. 

Learn to say no. Quit doing things out of guilt or a false sense of obligation. This will make more room in your life for the activities that are meaningful to you.

Organize your time. Keeping a schedule will keep you organized, which will in turn make you less frantic. Trust me. Schedule a set time for work, chores/errands, and leisure.

Stress relievers. No matter how busy you get, always make sure to set aside time to do something you love! You can’t be expected to accomplish all of your goals if you aren’t making time to destress. Go to a yoga class, walk your dog on Sunday morning, or find a cozy corner and curl up with a good book. Give yourself time to catch your breath.

Toss/File/Act. Organization in the office and at home is a breeze if you toss, file, or act on those papers, emails, and other distractions immediately. Use this strategy to tackle the paper piles or unread emails. Once you get the stacks of paper under control, make sure to keep them under control!

The Social Network. Online social networks are one of the greatest inventions ever. It’s tempting in periods of stress and in down times to hang out there, but they can suck your life away. I have made a rule to check Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn once in the morning while I’m drinking my coffee. Checking it throughout the day can be a real time siphon. It’s also tempting to check in when there isn’t something immediate drawing your attention. Don’t give in. Notice how much you get accomplished when you give yourself clear boundaries.

Give yourself a break. Some days we just don’t have the energy to accomplish everything on our list, or even anything on the list. Don’t be afraid to put your work aside and enjoy some time relaxing with friends and family or taking time to be by yourself.

Laugh. When all else fails, laugh. Look on the bright side and have a sense of humor. Everyone feels sad, angry, or frustrated at some time. Laughing can help ease difficult situations and give new clarity.

In the struggle to meet the demands of an increasingly complex world, we all need to develop strategies for maintaining balance in our lives. Recognizing the constant ebb and flow of work and personal life is part of that strategy. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – September/October 2018

Whether you have 5 employees or 5,000, ineffective communication generally leads to increased staff turnover, decreased morale, misunderstandings, hard feelings, and a perceived lack of importance. No business can survive these problems for long.

Your ability to communicate effectively can make the difference between success and simply “getting by,” but this doesn’t happen by accident. It requires time, study, and coordinated effort. Here are a few “be’s” of communication that I’ve learned over the years to get you thinking about how to improve yours.

Be Personal. Far too many of us use our business emails or texts as a substitute for personal interaction.. Make sure to set aside time to meet your coworkers and employees live and in person. People relate to one another better when they can read each other’s body language and hear tonal inflections. If personal contact is not possible, the next best way to connect is by talking on the phone or Skype.

Be Positive. A positive, upbeat attitude lets people know that you care. People like to communicate with other friendly and approachable people. The words “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” show that you appreciate a person’s effort. Consistently emphasize the good and reward achievements.

Be Available. People need to know that you’re not sitting on a throne guarded by dragons. Be approachable as an individual. If your time is not to be interrupted, put a sign on the door stating when you’ll be available. Your employees should feel like they work with you, not for you.

Be Consistent. Consistency builds trust. You can’t be nice one day and bite someone’s head off the next. You will be feared instead of admired, and no one will tell you anything. 

Be Sure. When you give instructions or discuss a business situation, don’t assume that everyone understands you. Ask whether you’ve been clear or if further information or explanation is necessary. Remember: no one can read minds! Ask, “Did I explain this clearly enough?” 

Be Clear About Expectations. Clearly share your expectations with your employees. This ensures that there will be clarity on the work to be done. They will comprehend what you expect without misunderstandings. 

Be All Ears. Perhaps the most difficult communication technique of all is effective listening. Don’t interrupt. Pause and make sure that the other person has stopped talking before you start talking. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening to others shows you respect them. Make your conversation like a game of tennis and keep the ball going back and forth. If you both serve at the same time, the game will not go well. 

Be Curious. If you hear something that confuses you, ask. Maybe you missed a detail or maybe you remembered something others forgot. Chances are if you’re confused, then others are, too.

I promise that if you try these tips, your communication will improve. Just sayin’. 

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – July/August 2018

As I get older, I find that I’m becoming wiser. That may sound like a cliché, but even clichés are based in truth. Wisdom does come with age―mostly from making mistakes and learning from the consequences.

Anyone who has been in business for any amount of time has made mistakes. The most important thing to remember is that each mistake is a chance to learn, and to grow personally and professionally. Here are some things I’ve learned over the years.

Identify what’s most important to you. What do you value most? What 4 or 5 things do you most want to do or experience in life? When you identify these core priorities, you can evaluate your work and personal life against them. Really want to take that month-long safari vacation in Africa? Make it happen by saving money and vacation time. On the other hand, if building a business empire is a core priority, dedicate the time to make that happen.

Speak and act honestly. Are you able to stand behind what you do and say? If not, reexamine your words and learn to articulate your thoughts in an open and honest way. This helps eliminate misunderstandings down the road and maintains your personal integrity. Integrity is a big factor in business success, too.

Learn from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up if you make one yourself. As long as they’re looked at as learning experiences, they can be a good thing. Just make an honest effort not to repeat them.

Take care of it Right Now! This applies to both your business and personal life. Clean as you go. Sort through the mail before you put it down; junk mail in the recycling, bills in another bin or basket. Deal with personal mail the same way. Don’t pile everything up into an overwhelming mess (I see you, clean but unfolded laundry…). Don’t walk past it and wonder how your office, business, or home got to be so messy.

Give it 24 hours. Give yourself 24 hours to digest an upside-down situation, conversation, or an important decision. By giving yourself some time and not acting immediately, you’ll avoid any drama that may follow later. This also works if someone has offended or angered you. By waiting a day or two to confront them, you can approach the situation with a level-head.

Laugh out loud. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Humor is a positive coping mechanism that not only improves your mood but builds self-esteem. Learn to laugh at yourself, and others will see you as someone who doesn’t fly off the handle in times of stress.

Take care of your body. If your body is healthy and in good repair, you’re better able to handle any stress in your life. However, an unhealthy body can cause great amounts of additional stress. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, drink plenty of water, and get enough sleep.

Get rid of unnecessary things. This applies not only to belongings, but services, subscriptions, and people that bring negativity and stress to you. Surround yourself with people and things that you really love. Ask, “Do I really need this?” If you hesitate, you don’t.

Give yourself a break and learn from your past. Reflect on the people, things, and ideas that have shaped you. Take the negative and positive lessons and apply them going forward. Be happy you’ve gotten to this point―you’ve grown. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – May/June issue 2018

We can all agree that one of life’s major stressors is moving. It’s expensive and disrupts your routine, requiring planning, packing, and unpacking. And while it’s bad enough moving into a new house, it might be worse when you’re moving your business into a new space. Now you’ve got employees to consider, plus you have the stress of keeping your business in operation during the move itself.

Last year, we made the decision to move Get A Grip to a larger building, and as the months progressed, we remembered just how much work goes into planning a move, much less making it! While we’re thrilled to be in our new space, there was a collective sense of relief when we unpacked our last box.

As with any major project, proper planning and organization were vital to keeping the move a relatively smooth process. Here are some tips to help make your office move go as smoothly as possible:

Decide who’s in charge. Whether or not you’re hiring someone to coordinate your move or keeping it in-house, you might consider designating an employee to be in charge. They should be organized and be able to making quick decisions. Our move was coordinated by me and our President, Ryan. We made a checklist and a (realistic!) timeline, and were the point of contact for vendors, suppliers, and employees.

Create a budget. It’s easy for costs to get away from any project, including a move. We had to consider hiring a company to pack up and physically transport our office equipment, files, products, etc. We had to factor in renovating the new space, buying new equipment and furniture, setting up infrastructure like telephones and internet, and moving our large sign. We also factored in lost employee productivity during the transition. Remember to review the budget periodically during the process to ensure everything stays within a reasonable margin of error.

Consider hiring professional movers. We wanted to make this move as easy and stress-free as possible on everyone, so we hired a professional moving company. That way, we didn’t have to do the heavy lifting.

Communicate with staff. Our staff knew that we were moving locations as soon as we decided (more than a year ago). We announced the new address as soon as the ink on the contract was dry. In the months leading up to the move, we asked them for ideas for the new space, and kept them updated on any inevitable changes to the timeline.

Work with an office planner. We hired a company to help us design the interior of the new space for maximum efficiency. They gave us some great ideas and helped us find the new furniture and equipment we needed for the expansion, which will accommodate more products and material.

Announce to the world. We created lots of marketing materials to tell the world we were in a new location―an email newsletter, flyers, and more, along with updating our social media accounts and websites. Updating those materials takes time, and involves many different people and companies, so make sure to include this important step in your timeline.

Plan the next step for your old space. Do you need to tell your landlord you’re vacating on a schedule in accordance with your lease? Or, if you’re the owner of your old building, what happens to the now vacant property? In our case, the commercial realtors who helped us find our new space also helped find renters for the old building.

Whether you’re a Fortune 500 company or a smaller start-up, a successful office relocation relies on sticking to your budget and continual communicating with everyone involved in the process. Be realistic in your planning, and keep in mind that setbacks are a part of the process. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – March/April issue 2018

Whew! We made it to 2018. Did it seem like 2017 went on forever? Or did your year go by too fast? Are you discouraged that you didn’t achieve all that you wanted to in 2017? I don’t know about you, but I’m happy to turn the calendar and have a clean start in the new year. Now’s your opportunity to reevaluate and begin again, too.

Whatever your experience with this past year, the New Year holds the promise of a fresh outlook. Here are a few ways to renew, refresh, and regroup to make the most of 2018.

Forgive Your Failures. Your setbacks and failures do NOT define your success in the year ahead (or any year for that matter). How you respond to them does. If you mess up, press the reset button. Don’t beat up on yourself. Okay, so maybe you didn’t get to the gym like you’d planned. How about trying five minutes of stretching at home? Don’t let your mishaps and setbacks affect you more than they should. Reflect on the lessons they hold, make adjustments accordingly, then get back in the saddle. 

Lose Other People’s Opinions. Quit worrying about trying to please everyone. When you give too much credence to other people’s opinions, you end up running around trying to please everyone in every decision you make. That’s a recipe for discontent. Stop doing it.

Learn Something New. Learning new things keeps your brain young and active. Make this year the one where you learn something new―a language, a dance routine, how to fix your computer, or to cook. Whether you take a course or even read a book, education is one of the easiest and most motivating resolutions to keep! 

Do Something Scary. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Go skydiving or bungee jumping. Try an exotic meal. Ride a horse. Ski on that black diamond run. Constantly challenging ourselves by confronting our fears allows us to say yes to future opportunities. Learning that you can do something new helps to build your confidence.

Eliminate Wasteful Activities. One of the most common complaints I hear on why people fail to accomplish their goals is lack of time. But these are usually the same people who hit the snooze button nine times, watching hours of TV, or constantly check their e-mail or Facebook. Doing relaxing activities is important, but it is easy to get carried away. If you’re spending hours online, you have the free time to do something that moves you forward in your goals.

Narrow Your Efforts. Trying to do too many things at once can scatter your focus and make you feel as if you’re just bouncing around, unsure of the best direction to take. Start with one major undertaking. Then, break that goal or project down into baby steps. This helps make a strong start, and is likely to result in a strong finish.

Look Forward. Buy sporting or theater tickets and display them prominently. I print out road trip directions, marking places to stop along the way. I get excited about lunch dates with friends and mark them in BIG BLOCK letters on the calendar. But my favorite is to get away for a night or two with my spouse at a great hotel, and have a romantic dinner and a wonderful massage. We don’t go far or spend much, but I come back feeling like I’ve been a world away. 

Keep Friends Close. Take a life inventory. How are your relationships with friends and family? How often do you laugh? Are you doing the things you love the most? Having a good friend to talk to, especially someone who can be honest with you, is priceless.

Change Your Perspective. Whenever I get tired of what I’m wearing, I immediately think I need new clothes. But then I reorganize my closet and realize I have more than enough options. I forget I have so much! In fact, I already have exactly what I need. I just need to look at things differently.

The New Year gives us an opportunity to become new ourselves. But it’s easy to get caught up in that initial wave of enthusiasm, only to come crashing down when your efforts don’t produce immediate and amazing results. Remember to focus on the process itself, and always try to be good to yourself. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – January/February issue 2018

While the holiday season can be a festive time full of friends and family, shared meals, and gatherings, it can be a time of added stress. There’s always the expectation that everything will go smoothly, and that everything has to go smoothly. Yeah, right!

These expectations can hurt your season before it even begins. Nothing has to be anyone’s idea of perfect, and the holidays aren’t any different. They’ll never be exactly the same as last year’s, or as someone else’s celebrations. As families grown and change, their traditions do also. Over the years, I’ve come up with some practical tips to get you through yours. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

Be realistic. Everything changes. Be open to creating new memories instead of comparing this year to previous ones. For example, if your children or grandchildren can’t come “home,” find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails, or videos. Think about rotating locations, or even taking a family holiday vacation to a dream destination. 

Keep it simple. Keeping the decorating down to a minimum will help with the stress. I’ve reduced my stash down to one box full of the most meaningful ornaments, tree trimmings, and decorations. I’ve also stopped waking up early on Black Friday so that I can spend more time with my family; saving that extra nickel just isn’t worth it. 

Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend, and then stick to your budget. An avalanche of gifts doesn’t necessarily buy happiness. I’ve found some great alternatives to buying stuff, like donating to a charity in someone’s name, giving homemade gifts, or even starting a family gift exchange. As a family, we have a blast with the white elephant gift exchange with a dollar limit on the spending. 

Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends, and other activities. Planning simple menus and making shopping lists will help to prevent those last-minute scrambles for forgotten items. If you’re hosting the event, make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup! 

Come together. Familiar holiday foods can bring back happy memories, and many hands make quick work. Let each family member participate by bringing a favorite dish to your holiday gathering. Then share the leftovers amongst the crowd. 

Late night. It’s a tradition at our house to break out the board games. Monopoly seems to be the game of choice and often keep us up late into the night. 

Don’t abandon healthy habits. Holidays often become a free-for-all of overindulgence. Feeling guilty about eating too much of the wrong foods only adds to your stress. Remember to have a healthy snack before holiday parties so you don’t go overboard on sweets or rich foods, or incorporate something healthy into the dishes you plan on serving. Limit yourself to one or two drinks continue to get plenty of sleep, and stay physically active. 

Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just a few minutes alone with no distractions will refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find your stress reliever. Take a walk, stargaze, or listen to soothing music. 

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.

Perfection and trying to be all things to all people is the ultimate recipe for stress. Your house will be ready for the holidays when you let go of unreasonable expectations, are open to change, and take time for yourself. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – November/December issue 2017

People want to do business with those who show likability, respect, and accountability. This builds trust, which in turn helps your business. It takes a little effort to build the skills that make you more likable, but it pays off in every environment, work or not.

Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

Make eye contact. Focusing on the person speaking lets them know they’ve been heard, and that you aren’t worrying about what to make for dinner or about rush hour traffic. This holds true even if the conversation isn’t comfortable or going to bear fruit. So make eye contact and hold it.

Smile. Smiling shows enthusiasm and energy―what many people call charisma. It’s an easy way to convey warmth and likeability. Smiling is also contagious. People will walk away thinking you’re a friendly, relatable person, which is exactly what you want to build trust.

Stash the smartphone. And keep it hidden! Remember that paying attention part? Interrupting your conversation to peek at your email and texts is a sure likeability killer. So, don’t do it!

Give a firm handshake. Like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, you want a handshake that’s not too hard, not too soft. Research shows that people decide whether or not they like you within seconds of meeting you. A firm handshake contributes enormously to a positive first impression.

Call people by their names. I know this is hard for those of us who forget someone’s name the minute we hear it, but practicing using someone’s name in conversation helps us cement it in our mind. It signals that you’re interested in making a connection with the other person. People appreciate when you remember their name. Practice different strategies to remember names if you have trouble.

Listen more than you speak. Remember the old saying “you have two ears and only one mouth, and you should use them in that proportion”? Still as true as when your grandmother scolded you with it. Try not just responding to what someone is saying, but recapping what you’ve heard to ensure understanding. Say, “If I’m understanding you correctly, you said….” Try it, it works!

Flatter, but genuinely. Everyone likes to hear something positive about themselves. Tell people they look great today, or that you appreciate their efforts. Again, it shows that you’re interested in them. Be careful not to flatter too much; that can be creepy.

Say you’re sorry. Taking accountability for your/your company’s mistakes is the first step in banishing ill feelings. “I’m sorry” is not something we hear that often, especially from businesses. It works even when you’re not to blame! Rather, it’s an effective way to show that you’re putting yourself in their shoes and are trying to relate. Expressing that you understand someone’s experience increases trust.

Stand and sit up straight. Bad posture sends a message that you’re bored, don’t care, or grumpy. If you convey negative body language, no one will want to get to know you. In fact, according to psychologists, standing or sitting in an expansive way (legs apart, arms spread wide, leaning forward) conveys confidence. It also makes you feel more powerful, a step toward projecting likeability.

Keep your word. Remember that trust thing? Keeping your word, meeting a deadline, or delivering on time as you said you would engenders tremendous trust. If, in the rare event you can’t, remember to apologize.

Don’t complain or gossip. Complainers and gossipers, aka energy vampires, suck all the energy out of the room. No one wants to be around a whiner. It’s an instant turnoff. If this is you, stop! If you’re surrounded by these negative Nellies, change your situation.

Be inclusive. No one likes feeling left out, so don’t leave people out in a conversation or group setting. If you find that someone is being left out, try to include them. This shows that you’re paying attention and that you genuinely care about others’ feelings.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. First impressions, as much as we don’t like to admit it, can cause us to close people out. We’re all busy, but the more we make an effort to reach out to people to get to know them, the more likeable we become in their eyes.

Many of these tips come down to showing respect for other people. When we show respect, most of the time we get respect and trust in return. Now, try these easy social skills out today. We guarantee you’ll see results. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – September/October issue 2017