Being a Texas girl now transplanted to New Mexico, I know a thing or two about taking the bull by the horns, especially when it comes to conflict in the workplace. Conflicts between coworkers, vendors, contractors or customers can sap energy from any small business, and getting these issues resolved quickly is critical to any successful business.

Disagreements in the workplace are normal, and treating them as such is actually a great way to boost productivity – a lot can be hashed out when people disagree. New ideas can bring energy, increase productivity and turn a potentially negative situation into an opportunity for growth. Here are five ways to make something constructive out of a typical office conflict.

1. Step back, but don’t play peacemaker.

Rather than letting the emotion of a situation sweep you away, take a step back and clarify the issue. But don’t play peacemaker. Staying neutral is not the owner’s role. Your responsibility is to keep the interests of the business and its employees first, even when that means making a decision that someone doesn’t like.

2. Don’t argue and don’t gossip. Talk about the issue, not the person.

Many people immediately want to complain or argue right off the bat, and it’s your job to keep them from bickering about the small details. But don’t rush straight to the heart of the conflict, either. Try asking for each person’s perspective on the issue. Keep it factual, prepare what you want to say but try not to ramble. By keeping the focus on the behavior and its impact, you neutralize the discussion. This focuses the problem on the situation, not the person.  Schedule time with the person/people involved privately and preferably in a neutral place. Be prepared to listen to the all viewpoints with an open mind and without getting defensive or passing judgment. As Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” Different viewpoints shed new light on any situation.

3. Use positive language.

Any frustrated business owner can slip into negativity when conflict arises. Some days it all just piles up! Nevertheless, remember to always think before you speak. Keep your language positive and the other person will likely mirror you, leading to a much smoother conversation. The same holds true if you go in guns ablazin’! Business expectations and needs can be expressed positively. For example, if the conflict is between two employees, try saying, “This is affecting the entire business, and we need to address it so we can get everyone focused back on our goals.” Keeping positive can result in surprising and great solutions.

4. Use the SMART conflict solution method.

Your goal is twofold as a business owner when dealing with a conflict: rectify the situation now and prevent it from happening in the future. Try using the SMART approach, which may be familiar to you from other business goal-setting exercises. Once you have your SMART solution, put it in writing and give a copy to each party involved in the dispute, following the steps here:

• Specific: Be clear about who will do what, when, where and how.
• Measurable: Establish a way to know when a task has been completed or a goal achieved.
• Achievable: Whatever solution you come up with should fit the situation and be achievable by those involved. Don’t set anyone up to fail.
• Realistic: Check calendars for holidays and vacations; look at past performance to predict future actions and allow time for unforeseen glitches and delays.
• Timed: Set reasonable deadlines and make sure to provide the necessary tools and support to meet those targets.

5. Walk away if all else fails

Be prepared to walk away from a relationship if the conflict can’t be resolved to your or the business’ satisfaction.  Don’t be afraid to let go of an employee, cancel a contract, lose a customer or fire a vendor. When people show their true colors, ask yourself if it’s really worth working with them now and in the future. Sometimes this is indeed the best solution.

Conflict is an everyday part of business, and many of them simply cannot be avoided. But using these tips can turn conflict into a useful and even helpful part of business. Just sayin’

Published: Apartment News Magazine – March/April issue 2014

When the holiday season ends and all the festivities are over, you’re left with a new year. The New Year is traditionally a time to set in place new tasks, pursue new opportunities for learning, or even a time to consolidate the things you’re already passionately pursuing. Another alternative might be to look back on your journey through life and simply contemplate how far you’ve come.

Whatever your preferred approach to the New Year, it’s nice to start feeling refreshed, focused, and ready to get back into your current projects or even begin new ones. Here are a few ideas to give you a boost.

Learn Something New. Have you vowed to make this year the one where you learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, learning a new language, or just figuring out how to finally fix your computer? Whether you take a full course or simply read a book, education is one of the easiest and most motivating New Year’s resolutions to keep. Learning new things keeps your brain young, too!

Help Others. A popular New Year’s resolution is to volunteer, something that can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, or as big a project as building a house, there are always nonprofit organizations that want and could really use your help. If your time is in short supply, why not just clean out your clutter? Donate your old furniture, clothing, and other household items you no longer need, rather than leaving them in basements and attics to collect dust, or out by the curb to fill up our landfills.

Relax More. If you’re not in the habit of relaxing, make it a point to introduce this important activity (or lack thereof) into your life this New Year. Relaxation is unique to every individual, though. So whether it’s exercise, meditation, reading, walking the dog, watching movies or going out with friends, there is no right or wrong way to relax as long as it works for you.

Narrow Your Efforts. Trying to do too many things at once can scatter your focus and make you feel as if you’re just bouncing around, unsure of the best direction to take. Start with ONE MAJOR UNDERTAKING. Then, break that goal or project down into small, bite-size steps. Smaller steps ensure a strong start and are likely to result in a strong finish.

Focus on the Process. It’s easy to get caught up in an initial wave of enthusiasm, only to come crashing down when your primary efforts don’t produce immediate and amazing results. So, focus on the process itself. Develop a new habit or begin to practice a skill you want to acquire and do your best to think about it as a process. For instance, if you want to become more fit, concentrate on being able to jog a little bit farther every time you go for a run, rather than focusing on being able to run five miles within a week. PERSISTENCE ALWAYS PAYS OFF.

Forgive Your Failures. Your setbacks and failures do NOT define your success in the year ahead (or any year for that matter). HOW YOU RESPOND TO THEM DOES. If you happen to mess up, press the snooze button or revert to a familiar and undesired behavior, don’t beat up on yourself. Okay, so you didn’t get to the gym like you’d planned. How about five minutes of stretching? When it comes to slipping up and tripping up, you are in good company. It happens to everyone. Just don’t let your mishaps and setbacks affect you more than they should. Reflect on the lessons they hold, make adjustments accordingly, then tap into your inner John Wayne and get back on the saddle. Life rewards those who work at it.

The hustle and bustle of the holiday is over. Take the opportunity for a fresh start. Form obtainable and achievable goals in the New Year and try to always be good to yourself. Just sayin’.

Published: Apartment News Magazine – January/February issue 2014

Being open to learning from others and their mistakes is one way to achieve goals. In fact, having someone to ask advice from – a colleague at your level in business, an older, more experienced supervisor or mentor, or even a trusted friend, can make all the difference in your professional success. Over the years, I have been given some good professional advice that I still fall back on today.

When faced with tough decisions. Be prepared to listen to positive and professional guidance from those around you. They may have seen a step that you missed, a consideration you ignored or an option you overlooked. These people are your advice angels.

Own your mistakes and then move on. If you make a mistake, own up to it and move on. Don’t try to hide it or its impact. Don’t blame others—take responsibility. Then stop obsessing over it! It happened. Learn from it and let it go.

Be true. Consistently treat people with genuine respect and love and you will be amazed at how much of an impact it can have. Even those who at first appeared uninterested or unhelpful will often be very willing to lend a hand. Stand your ground, be bold, be loving, be respectful and polite and you will see how many closed doors start to open up for you. Often they’re doors you didn’t even know were there in the first place.

Separate the facts from the feelings. Take the emotion out of decisions. This is business, and business requires the facts, not feelings. However, simply because all the facts say “go,” doesn’t mean take the job, sign the contract or hire the person. Things that look good on paper or are legal sometimes don’t meet the smell test. Sometimes business decisions require weighing ethical factors, too.

Listen to your gut. There’s a reason it’s called a “gut feeling.” Often a decision that you ‘know’ is wrong makes your stomach hurt. Gut feelings can be a powerful tool when it comes to making important choices in your life. Though it may seem so on the surface, this advice is not contradictory to the above point. Start with the facts, then trust your instincts to weigh the action against your moral compass.

Two sides to every story. Always remember that when an employee (or even a friend) tells you a crazy story that there is always another side to the story.

Have an open mind and a hungry heart. Always aim to raise your game. Ask yourself, “How can I work smarter? How can I be better, more impactful, kinder, or more loving?” Never stop taking on new learning, reading, or professional development training. The day we do that is the day we stop moving forward. If you choose to stand still, you start falling behind.

Be responsive: A former employer once told me that 90% of professional success is returning all of your calls and emails. It was great advice, because it can be so easy to ignore certain requests, emails, or calls from people without even noticing. If you make the effort to respond to everything, big or small, you’re already way ahead of others who neglect the small stuff.

Work will still be here tomorrow. This was more great advice from my former boss; it was a dose of reality from an extremely hardworking person. You are never going to reach a place where you’re ‘done.’ What I took from it was perspective, focus, and strategy. You can wear yourself out trying to cross a forever-retreating finish line, or you can figure out how to approach your work in a meaningful way that addresses what you’re really trying to accomplish.

Have a back-up plan. Always have a plan B and know when to use it. Circumstances sometimes fall beyond the boundaries of reason or control – your company downsizes you, a new boss comes in and you don’t get along, a new client proves difficult. Fortune favors the prepared, so be prepared.

Follow your dreams. Follow your passion. Love what you do. Believe you can achieve your goals. Think about the steps you need to take to make the dream become a reality. Take the first few steps and set the wheels in motion.

Part of building a professional network is being open to learning from others. I hope you use some of this good advice and share it with others. Just sayin’.

Published: Apartment News Magazine – November/December issue 2013

For years, I’ve searched for ways to improve my life and direct it on a simpler path. When the going gets tough, I get going with these trusty practices that always help me refocus on what really matters.

Practice mindfulness. Be in the moment. Instead of worrying about the week’s long to-do list during dinner, mindfully participate in the here and now: the food, the company, the conversation. Instead of trying to do laundry or clean the kitchen while you’re on the phone, find a comfortable place to sit and really focus on the call. Don’t be constantly checking your e-mail as you’re working; turn everything else off and really concentrate on the report you’re writing.

Laugh out loud. Life is always going to have its low points, but being able to laugh them off and not take things too seriously always helps lighten the blow from whatever is bringing me down.

Get some sleep. We have become a nation of sleep-deprived citizens. Getting into bed at 8 p.m. with a great book and turning the light out an hour later, or even just taking a quality nap in the afternoon can do more for your mood than any number of bubble baths or massages.

Hum along. Music soothes more than just the savage beast. One study found that music stimulates the parts of the brain that produce happiness the same way food and sex do. In another study, adults who listened to their choice of music during outpatient eye surgery had significantly lower heart rates, blood pressure, and cardiac workload as those who had silent surgery.

Declutter. You’ve heard me say this many times, but here it goes again. Just get rid of it! It’s almost impossible to relax when everything around you is covered with papers, your cabinets are bulging with junk and you’re too disorganized to even think about balancing your checkbook. Plus, the repetitive nature of certain cleaning tasks (sweeping, wiping, scrubbing, etc.) can be meditative in and of themselves.

Make a list. There’s nothing like writing down your tasks to help you calm your anxiety. It’s a great way to organize your thoughts and checking off each item provides a great sense of fulfillment.

Put it on the shelf for 24 hours. When situations arise that you really don’t have a good solution for (whatever the reason), do yourself a favor and sleep on it. Nine times out of ten you’ll deal with it differently the following day than if you simply react to it. It’s always a good idea to give issues some time in order to come up with a solution you’re really happy with.

Work in the garden. You probably already know that exercise is better than tranquilizers for relieving anxiety and stress. Not only do fresh air and exercise provide their own stress reduction and feelings of well-being, but the sense of accomplishment that comes from clearing a weedy patch, watching your seeds turn into flowers, or pruning out dead wood will last for hours if not days.

Learn to cook. When I cook, I completely let go and think of nothing but the simple act of putting ingredients together. Just like working in the garden, the action in itself is a great stress reliever. It also feels great to be able to share your creation with friends and family!

Tune out the news. For one week, go without reading the newspaper, watching the news, or scanning online headlines. Instead, take a vacation from the misery the media exposes us to everyday and use that time to walk, meditate, or write in a journal.

Get a pet. Caring for an animal companion is priceless. In return, they give you a truly unconditional love like no one else can. Studies have shown that cuddling and petting an animal can also help lower blood pressure.

Volunteer. Helping others enables you to put your own problems into perspective and also provides healthy social interaction. While happy people are more likely to help others, helping others makes you happier.

Spend time alone. Although relationships are one of the best antidotes to stress, sometimes you just need time alone to recharge and reflect. I try to spend one day a week on my own either browsing through my favorite second-hand store or simply reading a good book. Try to visit quiet locations like libraries, museums, gardens, or places of worship. They provide great breaks from the frantic pace of today’s world.

These practices have improved both my personal and professional lives. They help clarify my intentions and goals every day and if you let them, they can do the same for you. Just sayin’.

Published: New Mexico Apartment News Magazine – September/October issue 2013

Just recently, I had an unexpected accident. Yep, you got it, hairline crack to the wrist. Ouch! My horse got spooked by miniature ponies at the barn, grabbed the lead rope for a quick release, and bam! My hand went back and hit the pipe fence.

I didn’t worry about the office, though. I know that my team will always step in when I’m not there to ensure the workplace runs smoothly and that customers are being served appropriately.

So much of our time every year is spent at the office/workplace. This makes friendliness and cooperation among employees one of the most important aspects of a well-functioning business. But accidents that keep you from the workplace can happen without warning, which is why it is so important to plan ahead to make sure that your staff can step up to the plate and pick up the slack. So, how can you find ways to create a successful team that pulls together when necessary?

Here are a few tips:

Define the duties. Eighty percent of anyone’s responsibilities should be spelled out in job descriptions. Twenty percent of the time, however, is usually spent helping colleagues and clients. Create an atmosphere where everyone helps each other by encouraging language like, “absolutely” or “certainly” when asked for help. Encourage them to look for things that need doing and do them without being asked. This is the true definition of teamwork.

Define your expectations in a workplace policy handbook. A personnel policy and workplace handbook should cover individual and team responsibilities, rights and benefits, and what to do if something unexpected happens. Once you have crafted your employee handbook, make sure to check with an attorney on individual state hiring/employment laws.

Be clear with prospective employees during the interview process. What are your expectations? Hold your existing employees and new hires to consistent standards, outlined in your policy handbook. True teamwork demands that all employees are held to the same standards and, most importantly, every individual does whatever is necessary to take care of the customer.

Set aside adequate time for each task. It is not fair to assign or accept a responsibility and then have no time to accomplish the task. Be realistic about the timeframe and make sure your team is aware of the deadlines for each individual project.

Be careful to not overload your staff. They will get discouraged and burned out. Instead, focus on delegating one task at a time with emphasis on a specific objective and timeframe.

Follow up on progress. If you don’t check on your team’s progress, the task may not be completed to your standards. Ask questions about and show interest in your employee’s task, offering advice and help when needed. Recognize your employee for taking on responsibility and let them know his or her effort is appreciated. It is discouraging for a staff member to work hard and not receive recognition for a job well done.

Open-door policy. Manage by “walking around.” Know the concerns of your staff and deal with them head on. Ignoring your staff’s concerns will NOT make them go away! Be positive in your approach and dependable in your attitude. Try your best to be reasonable and most importantly, do not lose your temper! If you respond inappropriately, whether out of anger or insult, your team will almost always remember only the time you were out of control, instead of all the times you did well!

Ask your staff to be there for each other. To do this, begin a staff meeting session by asking your staff to define the qualities of teamwork that impress them. Ask them to think about someone they’ve known in the past or present that represents a true team player. Often you’ll hear: Consistency, fairness, cheerfulness, flexibility, positivity and the willingness to change.  It won’t happen overnight, but eventually you’ll have an entire team willing to step up and help each other out!

Encourage your staff to stand up and lead. Really try to listen to what your staff members have to say. Instead of giving direct orders, ask questions to guide your staff members to think through the issues and come up with their own solutions. Some employees may not want to reach top corporate positions; instead, they may simply be content if their opinions and ideas are valued. Either way, it’s important that the staff knows their voices are being heard.

By following these steps you create trust and respect in the workplace. With trust and respect, your sense of teamwork will grow, while your levels of stress and conflict will drop. And when the unexpected happens and a team member is out, the rest of the team will pick up the slack. Just sayin’

Published: Apartment News Magazine – July/August issue 2013

As you may or may not know, Get A Grip is a family owned and operated national franchise business. Our experience over the years is that running a successful family business means recognizing the individual strengths and weaknesses of our family members, as well as making sure everyone is providing input into day-to-day activities. Most importantly, a family business has the best chance of succeeding when each member truly believes in the product or service.

Working well together means everyone pulling together for the right reasons: for the good of the family, for the employees and for long-term growth. When a family business works well, you can’t beat it.

Here are a few suggestions for businesses where family members work together.

Set boundaries. It can be easy for family members to talk shop 24/7. Mixing business and personal issues during non-business hours could eventually produce problems, both at home and on the job. Limit business discussions outside the office when possible. It’s not always possible and when it’s not, try to save them for an appropriate time.

Establish clear and regular methods of communication. Problems and differences of opinion are inevitable, especially because family members often feel more free to voice their views. Consider weekly office meetings to assess progress, air any differences of viewpoint and resolve disputes.

Respect one another. This is one of the more important things that anyone can do, in any business. Share only your experience, strengths and hopes with one another. Try to keep negative comments to yourself and respect each others’ opinions.

Divide roles and responsibilities. While several family members may be qualified for similar tasks, duties should be divvied up clearly. This avoids conflicts and favoritism. Big, strategic decisions can be made together, but a debate over each little tactical move will bog an agile business down.

Treat it like a business. A common pitfall in a family business is placing too much emphasis on “family” and not enough on “business.” Finding ways to separate the facts from the feelings characterizes a healthy business. But this may not always be compatible with family harmony, so be ready to face those situations when they arise.

Seek outside advice. The decision-making process for growing a family business can sometimes be too closed. Fresh ideas and creative thinking can get lost in the tangled web of family relationships and expectations. Seek guidance and direction from outside advisors who are not affiliated with any family members. That’s a good way to give the business a reality check.

Require outside experience first. If your children will be joining the business, make sure they get a least three to four years business experience elsewhere first, preferably in an unrelated industry. This will give them invaluable perspective on how the business world works outside of a family setting.

It’s hard enough launching or running a company without added pitfalls and potential baggage of family relationships. But family businesses have some great advantages over others – mainly a dedicated pool of people ready to stand behind your efforts. If yours is a family business, you need to take extra steps to avoid burnout, ensure on-the-job harmony and attract advice from business experts outside the family circle. Just sayin’.

Published: Apartment News Magazine – May/June issue 2013

Spring gets me up and moving in the right direction. It’s the time of the year when I start thinking about the warmer weather, getting outdoors and losing those few extra pounds I gained during the holidays. The trees and flowers are finally starting to bloom—perfect for grilling outside!

Sitting at my desk for hours at a time every day has given me time to think; I’ve realized that I don’t need to drive myself crazy with New Year’s resolutions or with finding the ‘perfect’ healthy lifestyle to feel better. That’s right! It’s easy and free to open the door, go outside and enjoy nature. You may even lose those few extra pounds without even trying.

Enjoying the outdoors gives me a much-needed break from technology and especially from the ‘on-the-go’ lifestyle we’re all so accustomed to. I hang out with friends, spend some quiet time alone, or even play with my pets and get them out on the trail with me for a walk. Being outside just gives me a clearer, more focused mindset no matter what I’m doing.

Ready to get out there? Here are a few easy ways to work the benefits of nature into your day!

Make it a ritual. Go for a morning or evening walk every day. It’s a great way to connect with your partner, children and friends. And if you have one, bring your pooch too! Everybody underestimates the benefits of simply moving. You may even learn something new about your neighborhood or neighbors.

Commit to the outdoors, rain or shine. When you’re layered properly, you can enjoy the outdoors in all of its beautiful seasons. There are some fun and healthy outdoor activities available during the rainy or cold months, too. These are the times that we have even less interaction with nature, but it may be when we need it the most!

Visit beautiful places. For your next scheduled break, take some time to visit a state or national park or go to a beautiful beach – whatever landscape speaks to you! We all want to relax when we finally get a break from our crazy lives, but that doesn’t mean we have to be couch potatoes the whole time. The benefits of being outside (even if you’re just lounging) have been well documented.

Garden. I love to work in the yard—it’s the perfect opportunity to let my mind wander as I’m digging in the dirt. Try planting a vegetable or herb garden. It gives you the opportunity to spend more time with your family and can also be fun when it comes to cooking. I’ve also come to love my trips to the local nurseries. Wandering the aisles surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers always puts me in a good mood.

Bring in nature. Setting up bird feeders, birdbaths and water fountains brings you closer to nature. Research suggests that contact with ‘wild’ nature is beneficial to everything from stress reduction to increased creativity.

Sit outside. Beginning in the spring, I make it a point to sit outside on my deck when I get home from work. I pour myself a glass of wine, put on some music and think about what delicious dish I’m going to cook on the grill. Everyone’s always so ‘go-go-go’, it’s nice to relax. So the next time you have a break, try sitting outside quietly and just appreciate the nature around you, especially here in New Mexico!

Find a trail. Albuquerque is considered one of the most biking and hiking friendly communities in the country, for good reason. Getting away from it all is often just a short step out your door! To find one near you, you can go to: www.trails.com

Go to a local park. Ask others in your neighborhood which park is their favorite to visit. Then the next time the weather is good, trade your usual gym workout for an outdoor one. Parks also give you a way to become more involved in your community and get to know your neighbors. Finding connection is important.

Find a local dog park. Dog parks aren’t just great for your pet. When your dog is working off his pent up energy, you’ll reap the benefits of his improved behavior. Plus, playing fetch with your pal is a great way to get the exercise you need each day. And you’ll be surrounded by dog lovers like yourself to ask questions, get training tips and swap information about dog food, toys, medicines and more.

So the next time you get a chance to get outside for a walk, bike ride or hike, take the opportunity to soak in that Mother Nature! Just sayin’

Published: Apartment News Magazine – March/April issue 2013

It’s official—the New Year is here. Like everything else in our rapid-fire world, with the flick of a switch (or drop of a big crystal ball in Times Square) all the anticipation, planning and counting down is suddenly over. Then comes…the big let down. Or, we could look at each new year as a chance to start over. As a time for new beginnings, with a fresh outlook on life and your business.

So, here are a few sure fire ways to make you feel, look, and perform better in the new year. 

Eliminate wasteful activities. One of the most common complaints I hear about why people fail to accomplish their goals is lack of time. But these are the same people hitting the snooze button nine times, watching hours of TV, or constantly checking their e-mail and Facebook. Doing relaxing activities is important, but it is easy to get carried away. If you are spending hours playing Farmville, you have free time to do more. Try cutting your TV and Internet time and instead work toward accomplishing your resolutions. You don’t have to do anything big; just spending that time working towards your goals in any way makes a huge difference.

Lose other people’s opinion. Quit worrying about trying to please everyone. Bill Cosby once said, “I don’t know the key to success, but I know the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” Enough said.

Go someplace you’ve never been. You don’t have to drop big bucks and travel around the world in order to change your life (although, if you can, bon voyage!). Check out the art gallery you always pass, or hike those trails you’ve read about. Do something tourists come to town for that you never once tried. You might discover a new hobby or make a new friend. Or, you might simply have an unforgettable time.

Keep friends close. Take a life inventory. How are your relationships with friends and family? How often do you laugh? Are you doing the things you love the most? Having a good friend to talk to, especially someone who can be honest with you about your stinkin’ thinkin’, is priceless. 

Change your perspective. Whenever I get tired of what I’m wearing, I immediately think I need new clothes. But then I organize my closet and realize I have more than enough options. I forget I have so much! In fact, I already had exactly what I needed. I just needed to look at things differently. 

Slow down to speed up. For 30 minutes each day, I slow down to think, plan, and visualize. I have become aware of my biggest opportunities, smartest activities, and greatest tactics for growth. With this amount of insight and clarity, I can take actions that will drive excellent results. Really commit to making it your breakthrough year and know you’ll have to slow down for a bit each day to accomplish this. Then you’ll be perfectly prepared to speed up and win.

Do something scary. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Go skydiving or bungee jumping. Try an exotic meal. Ride a horse. Ski the black diamond run. Constantly challenging ourselves by confronting our fears allows us to say yes to future opportunities. It builds confidence from knowing that you still can do something you weren’t sure you could.

Have something to look forward to. Buy sporting or theater tickets and display them prominently. I print out road trip directions, marking places to stop along the way. I get excited about lunch dates with friends and mark them in BIG BLOCK letters on the calendar. My favorite is to get away for a night or two with my spouse at a great hotel, a romantic dinner and a wonderful massage. We didn’t go far or spend much, but I come back feeling that I have been on a little vacation.

Nothing becomes ‘new’ unless we do. Become new in the New Year. Just sayin’. 

Published: Apartment News Magazine – January/February issue 2013

The holidays can be a time of renewal — renewal of friendships through visits and cards; renewal of family relationships through gatherings and shared meals; and a renewal of one’s faith through the rituals of the season.  All this activity also makes the holidays a time of added stress. Did you ever see the movie, Home for the Holidays? That was our family — a whirlwind of gathered craziness.

If wisdom comes with age, I can say that after experiencing so many of these holidays, I’ve come up with some practical tips to get you through yours. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be your idea of perfect; or exactly the same as last year. As families change and grow, their traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your older children can’t come “home,” find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos. Or think about rotating locations or even taking a family holiday vacation to a dream destination.

Keep it simple. Keeping the decorating down to a minimum will help with the stress. I have reduced my stash down to one box full of the most meaningful ornaments, tree trimmings and decorations. Also, I stop waking up early the day after Thanksgiving to fight the crowd to save a nickel. Spending that time relaxing with family is much more meaningful to me now.

Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend, and then stick to your budget. An avalanche of gifts doesn’t buy happiness. I’ve found some great alternatives to buying stuff, like donating to a charity in someone’s name, giving homemade gifts, or even starting a family gift exchange. As a family, we have a blast with the white elephant gift exchange that has a dollar amount limit on the spending.

Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. To prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten items, plan simple menus and then make your shopping list. That’ll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten items. Also, if you’re the one hosting the event, make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.

Come together. Familiar holiday foods can evoke positive memories, and many hands make quick work. Let each family member participate by bringing their favorite and traditional dish to your holiday gathering. Then share the leftovers amongst the crowd.

Late night.  It’s now become a tradition at our house — when family and friends come to visit or stay during the holidays, it’s time to break out the board games. Monopoly seems to be the game of choice, and games often last late into the night.

Don’t abandon healthy habits. Holidays often become a free-for-all of overindulgence.  Feeling guilty about eating too much of the wrong foods only adds to your stress. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so you don’t go overboard on sweets or rich foods. Limit yourself to one or two drinks, continue to get plenty of sleep, and stay physically active.

Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone with no distractions will refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze or listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring your inner self.

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity.

Perfection and trying to be all things to all people, especially at the holidays, is the ultimate recipe for stress.  You’ll enjoy the holidays more when you let go of unreasonable expectations, are open to change, and take time for yourself.  Just sayin.’

Published: Apartment News Magazine – November/December issue 2012

Looking back, I realize that some of my life-changing decisions took place as I matured – like it’s never too late to make changes in your life. In a recent morning meeting, we talked about the word “change.” That we can’t grow if we continue to be complacent, sitting on old ways and letting the world pass us by. In fact, change is something that we can always count on – it’s a continuous process. It never ends.

I’m still learning, too – I’m not there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. With a little time and patience, I have learned some very important life lessons that have kept me changing in the right direction. Here are a few beliefs that have changed me for the better.

Willingness. It all starts right here – be open to change. I believe if you want to change your life, you can. If you’re not willing to change, there is nothing in this world that can do it for you.

Take the time. I had to give myself time to think and reflect. If I’m always busy, I won’t have the time to think about my life – let alone take action to improve it.

Rethink thoughts. A good friend of mine pointed out that I was unconsciously saying things to myself that were hindering me from moving forward. I had no idea that I was doing this. Making a conscious decision and effort to identify those negative thoughts, I had to eliminate phrases like:

“I can’t …”

“I won’t be able to …”

“There’s no way …”

I replaced these limiting thoughts with empowering beliefs; writing out positive statements that countered the negative ones, like:

“I can …”

“I will …”

“I’m capable of …”

Replace habits. Besides identifying my limiting beliefs, I had to identify my bad habits in order to change for the better. Knowing that there were habits that were dragging me down, I made a list of all of them. Looking at them helped me evaluate the problem. So, rather than focusing on breaking those habits, I focused on creating new positive ones to replace them. For example, I love to watch TV (especially the Food Channel). It’s on all day, every day. Instead of focusing on reducing my TV time, I built positive habits that used my time in a better way. For instance, I developed a routine of reading more.

Build confidence. Making a list of what I’ve accomplished in my life has helped to remind me of my inner strength and resources when things turn topsy-turvy. Reminding myself, “I’ve put myself through college. I’ve raised two great sons. I can definitely handle this, too.”

Accept responsibility. It ain’t them! Once I stopped blaming family, friends, a boss, or the economy for the bad things that have happened and accepted responsibility for my life, real change was within my reach. Whether your life goes up or down depends on you and you alone.

Keep a journal. Journaling is by far one of the most useful things I’ve done to change my life for the better. It works in such a silent, yet effective way. Writing down feelings, ideas, goals, and activities confirms your beliefs in life. All you need is pen and paper.

Gratitude. When was the last time you said “thank you” with all your heart? A true attitude of gratitude is key to success. Listing daily all that I’m grateful for keeps me in a positive state of mind.

Don’t stop learning. Being open to new avenues and adventures has kept me motivated. Don’t get stuck in a single career or hobby that you find boring and limited. Learning different skills, from completely unrelated fields has kept me challenged.

Just do it. Did you ever see the movie, The Bucket List? The whole time I was thinking of all the things I wanted to do in my life, but fear always got in the way. What was holding me back? I made a list of all my life goals – picked one and made it happen. Doing something that I’ve always wanted to do has kept me alive! Be the change and go for it!

Maintenance. Repetition strengthens and confirms. By living the change and practicing your new behavior day after day, you will create your own discipline. If you get side-tracked, not to worry – get up and get back into your routine.

Don’t like your life? Change it! Accepting change doesn’t mean that you have to fear it. These days, I’m really not fond of my skin heading further south. But, only when I accept that my work and personal life will go through different phases, can I take the necessary steps to minimize the negative impacts and capitalize on the opportunities. Just sayin’.

Published: Apartment News Magazine – September/October issue 2012